Ua ka fiu se le sau o lea tagi mai la’u tamatau…. Sau o leisi tagi mai la’u agavale….. (I’m sick and tired of one crying on my right hand side and one crying on my left hand side) lol….. I THINK MY MAN IS CHEATING ON ME…… But why tagi fua???? Get up…. And get rid of every ounce of smell of his cheap cologne and find a real man who can afford to shower you with all and every ounce of his attention…. Yes you…. Not you and some other woman……. It’s my topic for today because…. My friend whom I will not mention…. Is once again crying about the fact that she thinks her man is cheating on her…. Oka…. Se…. hello…. We already told you this like time and time again…. But no le fia fa’alogo….. (doesn’t want to listen) so we just left her to her one… and now look…..
to the million memories before that
We just didn’t know what to say,
and thought my mom deserved it
and thats the mentality that we were forced to have.
I remember mum would dress me up in a different dress every day, I had so many shoes that all looked the same (shiny black with a buckle) and those ‘frilly’ white socks lol. There was a photo taken nearly every Sunday of my outfit lol I was soooo photogenic ha-ha always had the thumbs up in my pose, and I had heeeeps of dolls that I couldn’t take out of their boxes. I must have had chewing gum in my hair one time because my hair style was like a mullet lol long black hair and a rough spiky fringe that was cut weird. My nick name was ‘saiga’ and I always thought that was an English word lol….
You see I had planned to start a vegetable garden out the back just so that I can have something extra to do on the weekends and also have cheap veggies at my disposal. But then I was sitting down to write a list of what kind of veggies I wanted to grow and my son came to me and said “Mum, I want a motorbike”. Mind you I had just finished paying the bills and paying for his school fees and his school camp and new school shoes. I was like WTHEOOOOO….. lol… Instead of yelling and listing all these things that I had just finished I asked him to please go away because I was a little stressed and I needed 5 minutes to myself…. So he left me alone….
INTERROGATION AWARD GOES TO>>>>>DAD
Dad can give the FBI a run for their money. Maybe bcos dad has a built-in Lie Detector. Yep, he can tell when you’re lying, even when you’re telling the Truth (HUH?) true story! Aha sometimes you end up confessing to something you didn’t do, because you think it’ll save you… but it doesnt… lol
His Award winning moment – When my brother narked on me for smoking & wagging (I agree with the smoking part, but the wagging?… I had gone 1 wag free month!) Dad asked me about the smoking. I denied it. He asked me about the wagging. I said NO. He asked me about the smoking. I denied it. This went on for a while. After all these questions, I was so confused, scared & puzzled because I didn’t know where we were up to with the questions, that I confessed to smoking & wagging as well. See, thats why dad deserves this Award… lol
As a child I was taught that when you do something wrong you need to say sorry. But when I think about it now, I hardly ever heard my parents or any other Samoan parents say sorry to their children. Especially when it was the parents that seemed to be in the wrong. How many times have you been yelled at for something you didn’t do just to never hear your parents say sorry? How many of you grew up with alcoholic fathers just to never hear them say sorry for waking you up at 3am to make them something to eat after they have had a long night in the pub? How many times did you have to go without lunch because your parents were too busy trying to look good in front of the congregation and give your shopping money for lafoga? Did they ever say sorry?
Us kids saw her first… we froze momentarily, holding our breath seriously just incase we make a noise… then whispering to eachother, we started making commands… ”turn off the T.V, pull the curtains, don’t make a noise HIDE!” My Aunt was knocking & knocking… Im surprised our door was still intact… but she left after 15 minutes… that gave our ears another day of rest…
…I know I know… but honestly, we do it out of respect for the poor family whose lives are about to be spilled out to us…
love my family to bits, but in a Samoan Family, the word “space” is almost taboo to mention.
I live in a 5 bedroom townhouse (an inner-city cubbyhole) – which as I mentioned, is my Aunties place. It’s spacious and I find myself feeling lonely when I’m on the east-wing (the run down courtyard from 1887) or when I’m in the garden (the 1 metre strip resembling a grave dugout) or even when I’m in the “family room” which doubles as the entertaining area & my uncles late night poker rituals.
but THIS is not the space I’m talking about…
After a number of years, filled with mistakes made, broken hearts and poor decisions. I finally realised what the reason was, the reason why I went through that. It was to help others with my experiences. It would’ve been nice to have an early warning huh?… lol
Alot has happened from that point til now. And as I sit and think about my life, I wonder how things would’ve been if I lived like a normal child.
Hmmm, would I relive my years again if the chance was given to me?
The year 2006 was a really bad year for me, my sister Shar suggested I go online to find a friend overseas as that was the “in thing” to do. I was curious…so, In March 2006, I went on a Samoan Website to see what the fuss was about and to look for a friend in Samoa, who I can chat too about the weather lol
This was a new territory for me, chatting with someone I didn’t even know. Scanning through the profiles, i could feel my fingers shaking, and sweat building up. I put it off for a couple of weeks as just thinking about it gave me panic attacks lol One day I decided to talk myself through it lol it went something like this… (hey… its normal to talk to yourself!…. lol)
“ok, you are 25 now, you’re a grown woman. Its not like your asking for a lifetime commitment and its not like you’ll end up marrying this person. It’s to build your confidence. Just email someone on there and if they don’t reply, then just move on and it’ll be ok…