Thanks for nothing Dad

I grew up in an all female Samoan family. I didn’t grow up with a Mum and Dad, instead I had my Mum and Grandma. The Male figure that I did look up to was my Grandad. We all loved him to bits and it was hard when he passed on.

All my life I wondered what my father was like, where he was, why he never came to see us and even if he cared. People were always telling me that I looked like my father, and every now and then I would meet people who knew him who would say “you look just like your father!”. I would get people asking me why I was so white, and not believing that I was Samoan. I got used it as I grew older. I knew that my father was half Niuean and half French and thats where I got my fairness from.

I started asking questions about him. I thakful that I have a mother who tells me the truth. She explained to me that after being hospitalised by him, that she didn’t want her babies to be raised around that. I understood her choice. So I asked what his family was like. From what she said it sounded like his family were not keen on her simply becasue she was Samoan and not Niuean, and so naturally they were not keen on me and my sister either. That made me angry but I accepted it. I thought *So what if Im Samoan? Im proud!* My questions about him stopped there.

When I was 14 I went to school and this girl approached me and said “I know you dad, he’s cool”. I was thinking *who the hell do you think you are* but I calmed down and explained that I didn’t know him and I didn’t care what she thought of him. Next day she comes to me with a piece of paper that had a number on it. She said it was from him and that if we wanted to meet, that was him contact number. All of those years of wondering and wishing, I never thought it would happen like this.

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Mum was cool about it. She left the choice up to me and my sister. We decided to give him the benifit of doubt. There is nothing in the world that can prepare you for you first contact. My mum had called him and he wanted to talk so I took the phone and all I heard was “Hi, it’s me Dad”. What the hell! It’s me Dad? After 14 years? I didn’t know what to say, but i agreed to meet him face to face.

Wow. I did look like him. He seemed nice, and had a lot of nice things to say, but there was one question that he didn’t answer the way I hoped. I asked why he wasn’t there and the answer was simple, he didn’t know where we were. I got over it though and let him into my life. I forgave him and gave him a second chance.

All was going well untill I went to see him at work and found his shop empty and for sale. That was 6 months after I let him into my life. He was nowhere to be found, no txt or call, nothing. He had just up and left without even saying goodbye. It broke my heart.

But I realised that I didn’t need him in my life. I didn’t need a Dad to be happy. Im proud to be Samoan, and have my loving famliy. They provide me with all the love I need and it’s him thats missing out. I guess if I ever got the chance to talk to him again I would say “I forgive you and I hope you and your family the best”. Im better off without and holding a grudge would just be a waste of emotion LOL. I wouldn’t have been the same person I am today and I guess in a weird sort of way I thank him, because all of that has made me stronger and appreciate my family even more. Thanks for nothing Dad…

Teineafaksi out…

PEACE!

xx

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13 thoughts on “Thanks for nothing Dad

  1. It’s all sad and that and it’s good that you have a forgiving heart…but the wat I see it I would never let my children have anything to do with their father and I haven’t for 11 years…I gave him his marching orders when my son was 1 and have not let him near them since, why you might ask, well for the fact that you can not be a part time father…fathers are a full time things not a thing where of yeah I will come every 2 weeks to see you and your sister…the reason why have denied him access is because I am the one who has to deal with the tears and the heart ache if he does not turn up to pick them up, I am the who see’s the hurt on their faces…so to save me the trouble I just denied him his rights…he does not want to be with me, so he can not be with his children…and any way he has now got five little mishaps to take off, hehehe…and me well my children are happy, they have had the pleasure of calling my dad thier papa (Bless his soul)…and they now have another dad who loves them to bits…so I don’t why I telling you all this but, it’s just that I know my kids are asking themselves questions, but see they do not have the hang ups like most kids because they have not beeen exposed to their dad and what comes with it…alofas

  2. man i could totally relate. i grew up calling my grandfather “papa”. my father left “us” when i was young. i dont even have a single memory of my father. even my little brother, who has a different father, remembers a time where he was spoiled by my father. i was never around when my father visited. one christmas eve, when i was only 8, i realized that not one of the kazillion presents from my father did not have my name scribbled on it ( but my little brother got like 3). although i knew he forgot to buy me something, deep down inside me i was hoping my father just ran out of money that christmas. come christmas morning, my father calls. first my older sister (my fathers fave), one of my little brothers (my fathers only son), and lastly, at the time, my baby brother (brother with a different father). the phone went back to my sister and i was thinking why wasnt my father asking about me. my question was answered when my sister asked him if he wanted to talk to me…my father’s reply: “who is diana?”

    i knew then my father did not even think about his kids when he left us- well he wasn’t thinking about me. i’m 18 right now. i live with my grandparents. i haven’t seen my father since i was a baby/toddler-im not even sure. all i know is that i didnt know what he looked like- until my sister posted some pictures of him during some recent visits.

    i don’t hate my father- i just dont consider him as my father anymore. i have his light skin and light brown hair- but that doesnt make me his child. i agree with Sina Atuatasi. A father is suppose to raise you up. he was suppose to be there for your first day of school. make sure you did not wear tops that showed your cleavage and scold you for wearing that super mini skirt. he should be the man that asks your boyfriend nerve racking question. yet, my grandfather did that for me- well he tried (and it wasnt pleasant).
    if my grandfather dies before my wedding, im planning to have my mother walk me down the aisle (i’ve also thought about letting my step-dad do that for me- and i do not live with him! XP)
    [=
    great job teineafakasi!

  3. OMG, it’s just saaaad to hear a lot of stories of single parent families .. buh you know what PROPS to your mom & g`ma for hold’n it down . Can’t regret anything, the only person miss’n out is him *smh* .. For we who have been raised by a single parent must continue to keep our heads up .. & not follow in the steps of our neglecting parent (: hee`hee !

  4. there are always lessons for current/future fathers to learn from your story…my sons are also afakasi and like you are proud Samoans.

  5. Nice, i kinda like have the same situation…but i like your story…that was really heart wrenching when he up and left…same as my sorry ass dad..He regrets his decision of leaving me and my 2 sisters excluding my mother..Yep its real hatred right there..haha..Oh well, you had the courage girl…and for that the respect and hats off to you..:)

  6. Hmmmm, Very touching story! Very. Hope Dadf comes through for you in the end suga! Thanks for sharing, Definitely strikes a chord! Much respect to you sis! : )

  7. that was heart renching… God Love you, iUNDERStAND how you feel about that famali one, that was a really nice read Teine Afakasi, iM really proud of you and the way you up -- lift your Samoan Famali, that’s the way to goo.. Wish you all the best in future endeavours. iM raising half indian kidx and their dad ~ it’s not always easy, iBLOODLY well;- make sure he plays a part, wheather he likes it (or) not!

    That’s me the other day, thinking about his new life and how he will be able to act up and fa’avalea another persona (girl)… hahaaa @first, iWAS angry ‘n’ mad, but; -- now, iM out for blood that’s EVEN! hahaaha…

    God bless Lovely, that was an ‘o’ 4 awesum read. xD

  8. OMG what an idiot…. Thats right Teine his the one missing out….

    Thanks for sharing and God Bless…..

  9. You are one brave and forgiving girl your family should be very very proud of you the way they raised you has made you the person you are today thank you for sharing it makes me appreciate my dad who has been here (and never gone away ever) THANK YOU MUCH LOVE

  10. You’re a gift from God! You’re awesome!
    Remember, ‘Anyone can father a child, but the real father is the one who RAISES you up.’

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