A Traditional Samoan Wedding… with a Tangent about Making Babies [+ Video]

Image is from Seventysixdesign on Etsy

I’ve heard some stories about weddings back in the ancient, less Christian days of Samoa. Don’t quote me on this stuff, cause I can’t remember who told me these tales, but apparently…

True(ish?) Story Time

In the old days, a bride’s virginity was, of course, of paramount importance. (Nobody said anything about the groom’s virginity, but anyway…)

SO, on their wedding day, a special fale was designated for the couple to consummate their union. A section of this house was screened off with hanging fala (woven mats) and inside this makeshift room, the conjugal bedding featured pure white siapo (thinly pounded mulberry sheets).

After the official ceremonies of the day, the wedding couple was ushered behind the fala to, um, get to know each other, while their older relatives (usually female) kept watch on the other side of their flaxen curtains…

oh myspace the humor

Anyways. I get this message in my myspace in box claiming that I’ve lost my position in the ex’s life and that I need not worry because he’s well taken care of. Mind you as I’m reading this email, I’ve fallen off of my chair going thru hysterics, laughing my ass off. For the first in awhile, the simple knowledge of this man in some other females life didn’t hurt me a bit, it use to.. well yea, because of the whole “we’re married” part, but now? It even surprised me. I was on the verge of taking my bra off and running around screaming freedom, might be TMI and I’m straying off the subject.

In response to this broads letter, I emailed back asking how she knew I had been the ex, trust being on myspace I was actually trying to be incognito and I received this response:

…from Ninja Say What

The day is finally here! Our wedding DAY!

THOUGHTS AT THIS TIME: WTF am I doing? OMG WTF am I doing? I cant believe Im doing this, OMG ok ok, smile, smile hardout, dont cry… look forward, smile smile look forward…….

All the girls are thru, Everyone stands (does it have to be so quiet? DRAMATIC!) Me n my Dad enter… even when walking down, Dad whispers his words of encouragement…. to keep my foot in sync with his…

The service was good, with a few touching moments, like Dads speech which brought everyone to tears, especially when he said (in Samoan) “If ever you stop loving my daughter, return her to me, bring her to my arms, and then you go on your way”

…from CherryK

Is your man cheating?

Ua ka fiu se le sau o lea tagi mai la’u tamatau…. Sau o leisi tagi mai la’u agavale….. (I’m sick and tired of one crying on my right hand side and one crying on my left hand side) lol….. I THINK MY MAN IS CHEATING ON ME…… But why tagi fua???? Get up…. And get rid of every ounce of smell of his cheap cologne and find a real man who can afford to shower you with all and every ounce of his attention…. Yes you…. Not you and some other woman……. It’s my topic for today because…. My friend whom I will not mention…. Is once again crying about the fact that she thinks her man is cheating on her…. Oka…. Se…. hello…. We already told you this like time and time again…. But no le fia fa’alogo….. (doesn’t want to listen) so we just left her to her one… and now look…..

…with Love from Sia