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The Orator Keeps Quiet

I was the one.

Who used the faifeau’s notepad,

To scribble my pictures of He-Man,

And when they were getting ready to read out

The Sene Amount at the combined EFKS Conference.

It was no-where to be found.

And then the Faifeau was blamed for using the churches money,

Because they thought that no one could lose the notes, and now,

Any of the churches can just say that they donated more, when in fact

They didn’t.

Or, he could’ve spent money, and they had no idea about what the balance

Of the Church account was to begin with.

And so it was my fault,

He lost his Role.

And is scarred as being a church thief.

I will not say the name,

Because until this day, I am still scared for my life,

Because his family is big (and he was an important EFKS leader)

It wasn’t my fault, because I found the notepad in the toilet,

He could’ve picked it up before, or came back to get it.

Because I sat in the toilet and drew my pictures.

For 2 hours.

Lovers Lost, Love is Lost

It was me.

Who said I didn’t have a phone number.

When I did.

And my cousin was looking for her boyfriend.

And I told her I wasn’t sure.

But I was too lazy to get out of bed to find the piece

Of paper with his number on it.

And then my cousin went paranoid,

Broke up with him.

Threw his stuff out of her house.

Called his mom and called her a bitch (because she always hated her anyway)

Called her Ex-Boyfriend and fucked each others brains out.

And then.

Her boyfriend came home, he went on an overnight trip interstate,

To buy her a wedding ring.

He found her, in bed – with her ex.

Silk, Satin, Saving Grace.

I was the one,

That spilt the cooking oil

on Aunty Taliga’s Wedding Dress.

On her Wedding Day.

The whole brides family (my family)

Went Psychotic.

& I didn’t feel like a hiding.

Because I just a hiding 2 hours before,

For losing the wedding rings.

They found the wedding rings,

And then, the oil was in my hand, before I reached for the McDonalds Happy Meal Toy.

The picture finder from Lion King.

And now, I wonder, If its my fault, they divorced three weeks later.

And her husband turned Gay.

With my Uncle’s friend.

Trailer Trash Puppy Dogs

I don’t know if this is bad pet ownership,

but I believe in confessing to my crime.

I threw away our dog Bingo on Prince Street, in 1999.

I opened the car door, and let him run away.

I remember watching Lassie, and I was convinced that Bingo loved my family so much,

That he would find his way home.

4 months later, I decided – I was wrong.

Prince Street was only 3 blocks away.

And Bingo was only a puppy.

A maltese terrier.

$350.00

My Parents never found out why,

And I’ve kept that secret for 9 years.

This is nearly 10 years to the anniversary,

Because I threw him away, the day before the Melbourne Show.

Which is today.

I always wonder in the back of my mind, if Bingo found a good home.

If he died.

If I was responsible.

& this is why, I don’t like dogs.

Because I blamed Bingo, for not loving me enough.

To find my house.

After 15 years, it would be like you never smoked

(if you quit)..

now, the Reason why

I started smoking

or my excuse anyway..

Back in Early days, or really, beginning of highschool days, when we were broke as a joke (because my dad was an alcoholic) and living in commision house (yes, i’m from the ghetto, and I’m proud) - my dad used to drive us to school (to the only school around which was full of Palagi Australians Only)
in a typical busted up VAN.
ours was BRIGHT HIGHLIGHTER BLUE..

On this very special day, the whole school was waiting in front of the Entrance (because they were leaving for camp, & I wasn’t going - remember, broke) - and our van pulls up and my hero dad reckons.. park right in front of the whole school on the road..

I go to open the door (and hide my head, coz I was hella shame) - and the van reckons, SLIDING DOOR falls off…SLAMS to the ground.. and everyone looking @ ME. *silence…*..

on the inside, i felt so numb…

and then 3 seconds later.

the BUMPER falls off too.

and to make it worse..

my dad steps out of the car wearing a holy-azz ie lavalava, covered in tattoo’s & picks up the door with his ass-crack showing through his underwear..

ANYWAY..

I ended up WAGGING school… & that was the day I started smoking ciggarettes.

Screaming Tree Attacks Bible Hugger & Samoa Observer Editor

(original post; Caroline Taitin - Melbourne, Australia

newspaper reply; Samoa Observer Editor)

Horoscopes on Samoa Observer

Dear Editor - As an avid reader of your online editions, I am greatly disappointed to find that you have now included a “horoscopes” section.

Needless to say, I am curious for any reasons why this has been included. Have you suddenly run out of intelligent writers that you now have to cut and paste what I would call a “space waster” from other sources? A simple search confirms a fact that you’re not paying your staff to produce this nonsense on their own accord.

For a country that has a Christian population of approximately 98%, it baffles me to see the inclusion of such ridiculous occult writings in your public paper.

When you’re wondering about whether to proceed with a particular business proposition or trying to make a decision on lifetime partnerships, I would expect that the nation of Samoa turns to the Almighty God for assistance rather that than so-called predictions that are so wishy-washy a grade fiver could have written them.

Instead of wasting bandwidth with these “horoscopes” how about being a 7-day-a-week Christian rather than just on a Sunday when you include your special “Sunday” readings? I’m sure there are probably plenty of like-minded people who would love to write some worthwhile spiritual devotions that are relevant to Samoa and this period of time.

You have the power of influence at your fingertips and with the medium of media, you can provide a discouraged nation with words of courage and hope from Scriptures.

As an “observer” of Samoa, it would be correct to say that what Samoa needs is a constant reminder of their “Foundation” – God. [Faa’vae i le Atua Samoa - isn’t that the way it goes?] God is our foundation that will never falter, yet it is us who move to rocky and sandy grounds.

From what I have been reading on your site, Samoa is being shaken left, right and centre by all sorts of events – economical, political etc. They need to be encouraged with words of “truth” that come from the Bible, not given a false hope through horoscopes.

I urge you to please go back to your roots and be not conformed to this evil world that will pass.

You do not need to “taint” your respectable paper and online service by including unnecessary writings that have no relevance or benefit to the people of Samoa.

Please consider removing it, for I’m certain no one is going to lose their job over it either. Be a blessing to others and through your service, let it not be a hindrance to those whom you have been called to serve.

Thank you for your service and patience in reading my opinion today. Take care and God bless.
Concerned sister in Christ,

Caroline Taitin,
Melbourne,
Australia.

ED’S NOTE: Thank you for your letter Ms Taitin. I respect your freedom to express your views, even if I don’t necessarily agree with you. First of all, Horoscopes are not just a “cut and paste” job off the internet as you seem to imply. This newspaper pays a lot of money on a monthly basis to a company called Atlantic Syndicate to supply us with our Horoscopes.

Secondly, I’m sorry you don’t like Horoscopes. Unfortunately, many of our readers have been reading the Horoscopes section for many, many years and they demand that we publish and have it available online.

You see Ms Taitin, this newspaper is not a church. We cater for people of all religions and all walks of life. True that Samoa is founded on God and that our people need to be encouraged with words of “truth,” but this is also a free country. This is a country where the Constitution guarantees anyone the freedom to believe whatever they want to believe.

In other words, our readers who like to read their Horoscopes should be given that freedom to do so. Just as Christians are keen to read a column called ‘Think a Minute’ which we publish free of charge, everyday.

Ms Taitin, if you don’t like Horoscopes online, we respectfully ask that you click on something else. God bless!

Screaming Tree: (time to bitch)

First of all : *cracks the f*** up laughing*

Second of all: Caro Taitin is an old “internet” friend, a young seventh day adventist who for the past few years has been travelling the world on humanitarian / christian (whatever) kinds of missions, the last personal contact was on MSN when she asked me if I could volunteer with the S.A.S (or something like that) with the firefighting efforts of one of Victorias last Bushfires. She’s got a good heart, and she genuinely brings her view across from a devout christian kinda way.

<b>My first letter is to Christianity girl,</b>

I am greatly disappointed that in your opinion Horoscopes is of the Occult. If you know how to read the Horoscopes, it is merely a form of guidance, or a lower-level of advice.

*about.com*The Bible states that the stars, along with the sun and moon, were created to give light to the Earth. God is the one who gives Christians advice. However, the stars can be quite useful, as in the case of the wise men needing to find the baby Jesus, in providing location. In this case, God used the star to light the way.

The Bible is actually quite critical of astrologers, asserting that they cannot save people as God can. In Isaiah, the Bible points to this issue when God proclaims that Doom will come to Babylon and there is nothing the astrologists can do to save the people from it. However, in today’s era of generalized horoscopes, most Christians do not use astrology as a way to predict major events.

Genesis 1:16-17 – “God made two great lights, the sun and the moon, to shine down upon the earth. He also made the stars. God sent these lights in the heavens to light the earth.” (NLT)

Isaiah 47:13 – “All the counsel you have received has only worn you out! Let your astrologers come forward, those stargazers who make predictions month by month, let them save you from what is coming upon you. Surely they are like stubble; the fire will burn them up. They cannot even save themselves from the power of the flame. Here are no coals to warm anyone; here is no fire to sit by.” (NIV)

The point? Horoscopes are just for the advice and guidance, any normal Horoscope reader will not pick up the paper and pray day and night to it and thank the moon for its divine glory. It’s inclusion in the Newspaper is not going to burn down your Seventh Day Adventist church. And if it does, what does it say about your church? Where is YOUR faith in the divinity of your church, your god and your own belief system? Does this one little column in a Samoan newspaper threaten the ground that you walk on? OF COURSE IT DOESNT! its just a fucken Newspaper column, if you have any sense of Newspapers on an international level, I think my sweetie, you will find that its in 98% of global tabloid newspapers - oh wow, nearly as much as there are 98% of the hypocritical Christians that live in Samoa.

Funny that, because out of all the things about Christianity that you want to defend, why not go after our culture?! oh wait, you DONT go after our culture, because the 7th Day Adventist almost almalgamated forms of Samoan culture into the religion! that MUST be ok, since after all, you learnt that in church right? And your Christianity is perfect. So what then, become of the 98% Christian population that you quote from statistics that you recieved from? oh wait, you probably made that up to.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand where your coming from, wait, who am I kidding? No I don’t.

“When you’re wondering about whether to proceed with a particular business proposition or trying to make a decision on lifetime partnerships, I would expect that the nation of Samoa turns to the Almighty God for assistance rather that than so-called predictions that are so wishy-washy a grade fiver could have written them.”

Horoscopes are a guidance for life, get it, guidance, not a page of Gospel.  I have never met anyone in my entire life who has ever look at horoscopes as the be all and end all of all existence. Who the fuck has the time to believe in what Saturn and Uranus are doing to Pluto? No one. 100% of people that I have met, look at horoscopes as a form of entertainment, which, for the most part is what it is.

To write a letter to a Newspaper and complain about the inclusion of a harmless peice of entertainment is like writing to the President of the United Nations to complain about the issue of stamp collecting. It has NOTHING to do with the Religious beliefs and the social corruption of a nation.

“Instead of wasting bandwidth with these “horoscopes” how about being a 7-day-a-week Christian rather than just on a Sunday when you include your special “Sunday” readings? I’m sure there are probably plenty of like-minded people who would love to write some worthwhile spiritual devotions that are relevant to Samoa and this period of time.”

Sorry, last time I checked. THIS IS what happens, there is daily scripture and gospel learning (or however they put it in pretty language) “Think A Minute” so your point, is useless. (and many devout Christians do read this) but hey? why can’t you all just read the bible and pray everyday? why does the Newspaper have anything to do with your Christian life? do you want every street sign also show you its relevance in the bible with an example of how far we are from Jerusalem? or would you like our cheap toilet paper from Frankies Molesi be covered in the names of Abraham? If you want a Christian Newspaper, GO GET ONE!

“You have the power of influence at your fingertips and with the medium of media, you can provide a discouraged nation with words of courage and hope from Scriptures.”

Are you SERIOUS?! So the CCTV and the daily scripture and pretty verses in the Samoa Observor, plus the multitute of SAMOAN LAWS & REGULATIONS which are founded on christianity, plus the church on every corner of every street in every village throughout the whole of Samoa is not enough, you are NOW relying on the 30 cms of Newspaper space to convert the nation? Sorry Sis, I love your Christian vibe, but Samoa is fucked.

No amount of Horoscope would ever incite the rapid decrease in Christianity, than church has done to itself.

I can list a multitude of OTHER reasons why people leave church. A Samoan Church.

  • Corruption
  • Money
  • Rape/Molestations
  • Hypocracy
  • Backstabbing Bitches & Family Fueds and (many, many more) haha.

Horoscopes?! Get REAL little darling.

The Editors Note

I commend the Editor for his/her response, but for an Editor of a Samoan Newspaper (And I have no doubt the Editor chose his/her words closely)

“This is a country where the Constitution guarantees anyone the freedom to believe whatever they want to believe.”

Then why the FUCK can’t we drink on Sunday?! and why the fuck do clubs close at 12am?

 

Rose Coloured Glasses

I’m assuming that the saying

“wearing rose coloured glasses”

means that your in love..

 

And for the most part, I wear these glasses everyday, because I’m in love with everything, but thats how I want my image to be. (and if thats NOT what it means, well, i frankly don’t give a fuck)..

Today, I take my glasses off - and ya’ll know I can be nice, I hope my last few blogs show that I can talk about the petty everyday life kinda shit.

its time to do as a blog promises, and thats being real.

;) *smiles*

 

Small Talk, Deep Talk, Long Talk

Morning! how’s your day?

“fine thanks..

*keep walking*

I’m not sure if its just me, but small talk is something I find totally uncomfortable. How do you know if your supposed to stand there and hold a conversation, or keep walking as if you have something more important to do.

Our Security gaurd, Tony, is the master of small talk - whether its because he’s used to it, or because no one gives him the time of day to have a real conversation. I feel a bit guilty, because today, I just walked the extra 10 metres so I don’t have to be put in that awkward situation.. wait, does that make me a bad person?

I can totally understand when I’m at home, and a neighbour walks past and you smile and say, “Hi, hows it going”, they reply “Fine”. I add extra “thats great” and they keep walking.. but what is the point of this? courtesy? or to deflate any notion that you have “snubbed” your neighbour/friend/co-worker etc.

I find it a WASTE OF TIME!..

I don’t give a damn if no one says hello to me, because I really don’t give a shit if they keep walking, a simple smile or nod will suffice, but I’m not ready to lay my whole life story within the bracket of less than a minute.

The killer are the ones that actually DO have the time, and DO invite themselves into a conversation (when I really don’t want one) lmfao!. - take for example Jenny, maybe its because she in the elderly category and has alot of stories to tell me about knitting - but seriously. did I ask?! no! ; so after 10 minutes of how cross stitching and thicker fabric (makes knitting easier) and the whole spiel of how she knitted 10 Collingwood scarves (AFL team Scarves) in 2 hours - I found the need to scream in my head and think “leave me alone you boring woman!” but I’m nice.. so I copped it, and I grinded my teeth through a fake smile just so she can get her frills from unleashing her piece of Trivia (useless information).

So the next time I walk past someone, that I barely know, I’m just going to smile - and blame it on my personality. *undercover BITCH* LMFAO!..

So where was I?

 

Oh right,

 

How was your day?

 

*Keeps walking*…