Married life..so far : First Patch

 

Following from my ‘I lied we met online’ story, I have been pretty busy with the joys of establishing a solid and faithful relationship with my new husband. Married overseas on a small exotic island that was not our mother country and we took only four of our good companions. A week away from home in paradise with my soul mate and friends. It was the start of a new journey that viewed over the glittering and endless ocean.

Beneath that ocean laid a list of questions that would test our bond began just a week after our marriage.

We have been dating for 36 months, became a functional couple in 18 months, and planned our wedding in 2 weeks. Booked our flights, invited our friends and took off for 7 days. Even til now I still believe the way we did our wedding was perfect and easy. We both come from a very traditional culture and you could say we broke all the rules, but then again we broke the rules from day one when communication was available online (hahaha). I could feel that this was making everybody nervous, the fact that someone of my calibre would embark on a journey that took less time to connect to the internet. Being 25 with no children, high education, full drivers license and of Samoan descent seemed like a needle in the haystack for some (haha so sadd that I would say that). My parents were so calm and accepting of everything I decided – maybe not at the same time but in comparison to others they did great. It wasn’t until we celebrated our marriage at a family lunch that my relationship with the in-laws was visible. This offcourse only made it more confusing yet more confirming for me, which in turn again confused me. I understand that this kinda stuff happens naturally for some people so I’m ok with it, just wished it wouldn’t make me feel so awkward. I am now at peace with my in-laws. It s like we signed an invisible peace treaty that we all coincidently agreed to.

My husband has an old collection of cheap skeletons in his closet. It shouldn’t even be worth thinking about let alone have such an affect on our relationship…but it did. You have to understand, something strange covered in teddy bears and fairy floss took over me since I got married, and now silly shit like this really gets on my nerves. Maybe I like to argue. Shit like this I have to be concerned about because it goes back to how we met. It’s much easier and affordable to date another user online, so how else do I check but to go through his phone. I’m not going to calculate the millage but if I had to I probably would as fucking stupid as it sounds. And as expected, the cheapest of all whores was all over his messages. So I skipped the whole ‘need more evidence’, ‘sit him down and ask in a calm manner’, I woke him up and told him to explain before I call the bitch and tell her myself.

Without getting into details, it was exactly what I had thought. Although he had different reasons to but I was upset and hurt that I would be put in a position to consider divorcing someone after all that had just happened. This wasn’t the first time by the way – I never thought I would have to use a word like divorce let alone getting married. My ventures and expectations of life before him had never even heard of the words – its been another hopeless and selfish bitch on the other end looking for an opportunity to ruin my relationship. If its an email from an ex asking for a 4th chance, its a late night call for comfort from a married mother looking to spark up her sex life. Oh but this was different, a single mother who was left by her husband for a religion that involved a secret arranged marriage behind her back, looking to redeem herself by doing it to me. Whether they didnt, or wanted to, or were planning to do something, it wasnt going to happen. It was merely looking for that desperate answer to confirm that they still got it REGARLESS of their current situation. How pathetic. He would sacrifice me, and she with her child for a status update.

Breathe….silence.  I then found myself trying to make it work, like as if I wasn’t in the first place. I married a man who had so many people in his life that treated him bad that revenge was the only game he wanted to play, and that I was his weapon not his victim. Which was worse? Being used to make another jealous, or being the person married to someone who didn’t love me. They both kinda overlap and in many ways probably sound exactly the same, but something that was growing inside me kinda understood him. There’s no question as to whether I’m in love, but I did have to put myself in his shoes and questions if he was in love. There are a million reasons why he does love me, he just had a shit thing to handle that he made a priority after we got married. Haha that is so fucked when I say that to myself.

I had already gone through a dark and twisted secret life that taught me to forgive and forget the hard cold way. This just seemed easier to accept and move on. Crazy how being a victim of childhood rape could be ever compared to this. I probably shouldn’t have put that out there like that, but to me I’m ok. I’ve understood life in a weird way, and shit will happen no doubt but it does indeed help in the future when shit just gets out of control. Just not sure what it’s going to take to make me completely lose it and start a killing rampage. Hopefully I remain calm like I am and treat life like a lucky dip. Just quietly – don’t put yourself in a position where you risk providing amo for someone you dont like to find out…common sense.

The mating season

We are currently paying x amount of dollars every year to support low income families who make decisions they can not afford, or do not think of the consequences for their actions. This includes unplanned pregnancy and unprotected sex, as well as a lot of other things.

This topic felt so taboo-ish because I know many young couples and families who I love dearly but feared this spleen of mine would offend them. But I thought of the whole situation differently – I wouldn’t want to pay for strangers lifestyle choices, and you shouldn’t either. Family should look after family…still even something so simple as that can get complicated.

There are individuals or families who should not rely on the government to fork out funds to ease the financial stress and hardship they encounter. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Getting diseases is clearly not ‘scary’ enough to prevent unprotected sex…

So should we pay to support others’ lifestyle choices? or why shouldn’t we help out the disadvantaged?

Because it’s an act of kindness and Duty of Care for our society….(and thats about all i can think of without researching online for the benefits to society who are forced to pay these funds). Maybe this is not about income or how much contraceptions costs, but its about personal responsibility. People will have sex, and sometimes contraceptions fails to fullfill its purpose; but that is a risk people should consider. Not just the woman, men too.

If the government stops the financial support and the benefits for low income families who have unwanted pregnancies, it is not because they are punishing women for having sex, or blaming poor people for being poor – it is again about personal responsibility. However, it can back fire as it could result to a higher pregnancy rate. And I am sure we have an idea on what the common outcome is for children who are brought up from ‘broken contraception’ – no need to get into that. Point is we shouldn’t let people get away with it, these types of financial supports are more like rewards for being stupid “hey im getting paid because i can’t keep my legs closed”. Why should being poor be an excuse to not take responsibility for your actions? This is allowing the poor to stay poor (why would you want to do anything if someone else like the government is taking care of you?) – its ignorant and maybe biased because if i got pregnant to some guy id be like “hell yeah i would reep those rewards, and perhaps get my nails done too…who doesn’t want to be called a MILF?”….. ummm i dont know anymore I thought it was for older and wiser women because there was already words for these types of females.

It is an awkward conversation to have especially when you have friends and family who fall into this category. It should be awkward because thats how we feel when we make mistakes that we can’t admit to – that feeling is guilt.

There is no one else to blame but the people who had sex and gave birth to half an unwanted population the reason why we pay fat chunks of tax. It just seems so simple; if you make babies then you pay for it and so if sex is entertainment then it should be paid for. People have the mentality that if you make a mistake then others should pay for it. It is not fair to force people to work hard just to support those who don’t need to work and can just enjoy being cared for. Bottome line is, no matter who it is to blame, or why people take little or no responsibility – you and me will be the ones who pay for it. Its reality, and there is no formula that can prevent it, but we can help it (even if we don’t feel like it).

Just incase i’m being selfish and ignorant myself, I did do some research which balances the ‘negativity’ portrayed in this piece. Because the fact of the matter is, due to the more availability of contraception and abortion, and educating our youth, unwanted pregnancies have decreased a lot over the years (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2009). woohoo thank goodness, right?

 

Re-cap; My autumn/spring 2009

What have I been up to?

So I don’t live at home… anymore or should I say ‘again’ and so far its alright, I know it will get better…slowly but surely. I now stay with my best best friend Tet who has been so supportive, as well as her awesome family. Learning the ways of the German-Serbian-Aussie lifestyle.

Spending quite a lot of time with my boyfriend and his family which I might say is turning out to be ‘cool’. His family is beautiful and very welcoming. They just recently lost a dear family member which was a tough time but I’m kinda glad I was there to help out and to also meet and greet with many of his extended family.

Trying to catch up and re-kindle my relationship with my cousins which is great. I love them so much and I enjoy hanging out with them when ever I can. So much has happened so I got a lot of catching up to do… and I can’t wait.

Dealing with my personal matters is always a struggle but ignoring it wont help. I am starting to understand a lot more about myself as an individual which at time is scary but it is pretty healthy at the same.

Gym? Ummm yeah my membership expired so trying to sort that one out ha-ha. But I was doing boxing for training and as well as yoga which is so much fun. I have learnt so many cool moves, especially on ropes ha-ha.

Been out and about in town, staying in hotels, celebrating birthdays, shopping, gigs and sports games . . . trying to balance out my social life which was hard but I can say my life is slowly turning around and I can only look forward to more good things.

As for travelling, well unfortunately there has been a delay but the buzz for it is still there, its just the financial side lol kinda still in a recession.

I lied. We met online.

 

A little shy and awkward to share this particular…situation. I can write about almost anything but when it comes to something like a boyfriend LOL its just f**** weird.

Ok, so I may have shared that I was going to be independent and blah blah blah I don’t need to be in a relationship blah blah blah, online hook ups are for loosers (lmao); but ummm . . . someone decided to show up when…I had my guards down lol. My boyfriend whom I have had the ‘maddest crush’ on way before he knew I existed.  One thing led to another and BAM! I got myself a teddy bear (but at night he’s a beast haha). I guess I’m more shy and hesitant to share it because it didn’t happen the way it was meant to happen; you know when the girl meets boy and boy likes girl so girl plays hard to get til boy gets tired then girl has to chase boy then boy asks girl out…you know like that haha, well what actually happened . . .

I developed this crazy obsession with a photo and a comment from this network – I know, how embarrassing, those online ones ha-ha. I mean I’ve had crushes before but bloody hell not like this. Everyone who knew me about a year ago would so know what I’m going on about. This guy had me thinking about his stupid yet beautiful comment for days and soon it took over my nights. I wanted to get to know him a little better than most girls but because of this stupid crush I had I was all shy. I was intimated by some other ladies who knew him so I settled for the “oh I will just be like a sister-friend instead”.

It took me almost 5 months to actually feel like he knows me, and still I hadn’t asked for his number. Keep in mind this was all happening on MSN late at night when i was supposed to be studying lol. Even though I was offering my friendly and innocent services (lol) I still wanted him so bad. I never knew how he felt because I never asked but still, usually I can pick up on these things (lol). We flirted here and there but I was too afraid to ruin the friendship we made – online (lol i know…so weird). He gave his number and made it out like it was a receipt for downloading his music, sorry about it (ha-ha). But it was a step closer, one night we would text each other like it wasn’t weird then he would send me ‘good morning’ messages; still I thought it was friendly and not flirty.

Then the most embarrassing and heart palpitating moment occurred. My ‘out-going’ girlfriend decides to speed up the process by texting him like he was my booty call ha-ha. I didn’t realise what she had done til i saw her sly smile on her face. I reached for my mobile and saw what she sent to him; “Hey there sexy boy, wat u up to :)..” – I flipped! I panicked! I dont write in slang (lol) and i don’t send stupid text messages like that either, especially to people i like! (lol). I thought he would think I was taking it too far, no way would he find that funny. I was about to cry. really i was.

I text back saying that it wasn’t me and that it was a joke, an accident etc. Then he calls to clam me down because I was acting so stupid about it. He was a little upset that it wasnt from me becuase he thought it was cute (lol…i thought he was being stupid). And then I took an odd step and asked him out…i thought i would just take the risk because it may be the last time he speaks to me. So I asked him if he would like to be my boyfriend. He was surprised (yeah right) but that’s how our cookie crumbled.

Offcourse we don’t tell people this story, I tell people we met at a shopping centre / or a bbq and that he asked me out. Ha-ha.