The week leading up to the wedding….. and the hidings in between…lol

Its been a while… Im back now thanks to N95 & PC… hooray! I wrote this blog (like actually wrote with pen n paper!!! like WTF? who does that nowadays right? well, ahhhh i do) so that when I got the chance I’d upload it…

Ok 1 week out from the wedding, and I’ve seriously had enough! Honestly…. does it have to be a grand affair? I mean if its our wedding why we trying to please others? spending thousands to make others happy and ourselves broke? lol

As you know from my previous posts Im the worst person to get married. Well this is how bad it is. 1 week left and….

-still havent found 2 guys to replace my 2 guys from NZ that couldn’t make it last minute

-havent fitted the girls dresses or even seen the bridesmaids dresses

-Having problems with the pastor (for the sake of getting cursed, I will leave it at that!)

-Cant find my shoes for the wedding that I remembered I packed…. I think…and also forgot to get Mr’s shoes for the wedding also from NZ…

All these things I have to get done in 3 days…. Mon 29th Dec – Wed 31st of Dec as the stores close on the 1st & 2nd of Jan & the wedding is on the 3rd. Yes for some reason, I like putting myself in these challenging positions

But I am happy to say, that I managed to sort all these out by the night before the wedding… dont ask how, cos it involves “fast n the furious” driving skills, con-artist motives, criminal acts, and illegal doings…. ok ok the last 2 I did mentally hehe honestly, if you see the prices of shoes here, it would make you wanna commit murder… seriously!

On the home front, my dad was the one with the murderous thoughts, how about I was trying my best not to get a hiding from my dad in the 2 weeks leading up to the wedding…. Yep dad was stressing over money.. You know how you try explain things to your dad, that it’ll be ok, and your dad hugs you and says “I know my daughter, because I have faith in you” you know that scene? well…. it never happened with me lol it was more like

“Dad dont worry, the money will be enough since everything is paid for already” and my loveable Daddy says “Kapugi lou guku e! aua le fiapoko, ke maga’o ouke alaku iiga sasa pala ai lou ulu? Eke vaai iai E le lava loa le kupe, ua’e vaai loa lo’u faasaga e fa’agaui ou vae e?” *shivers with fear*

Translation: “Shut your mouth ok?dont be a smartass, do you want me to come there and beat your head into a pulp? You’re gonna see, if this money isnt enough for the wedding then you’re gonna see me break your legs ok?”

Someone’s been watching too many mafia movies right? hehe hehe But yeah, everyone’s stress levels were on high! But I understood Dad though. You know how Samoan Parents think. Even thought everythings paid off, they still want money to hold just incase. But the amount was shocking though, it was 10,000tala… to hold just incase… up until the rehearsal night the tension between my family (well actually just between me and my dad) was soo much, that I had to call on past solutions, drastic measures taken when I knew I was gonna get a sassing…I came up with a plan…

You remember those days as a kid, where you knew you were gonna get a hiding? then miraculously your relatives show up for a visit, but you also know that it doesnt matter how long they stay over for, your dads still gonna beat your ass after they leave? and you cant ask for permission to go with them to their house when they leave cos of course you’ll get a 2nd hiding for trying to escape. So instead you tell your cuszzies to sleep over… for your protection…. Well, I did it again!! hahahahaha ENTER my BRIDESMAIDS… yep thats how bad it was, once the girls came over (my nieces & cousins) things chilled out, my ultimate goal was to “not get a hiding before the wedding” so yeah it worked.

The lead up to the wedding took all the excitement of being a bride out of me, and my family. It was like we were planning a mission, like a military mission, that everything had to be perfect or we might all blow up or something. Even at rehearsals, dad was in my ear telling me which foot to put first and repeating “left right left” etc

By the time the rehearsals were over, I just didn’t want to have a wedding. We actually contemplated taking off to get married privately, but then our wedding would’ve had a military finish, with dad coming after us with a sapelu or something similar….

Im just glad you only get married once…. no offence to those who can endure this ceremony more than once… but for me ONCE IS ENOUGH!!!!

Wedding Traditions vs the Bride….

I have to tell you, some of these Wedding Traditions seem weird. But I thought I’d share what traditions I will be facing when I finally say “I do” in 4 Months.

This morning my Fiance and I were going over some of the Samoan Traditions that will be included in the wedding. I have mixed thoughts about, but since the wedding is in Samoa, I thought “hey, why not?” But some Traditions I think the Bride should have the last say… but here are a few anyway…

Bride has to wear a dress from the Groom’s family to the Reception

Now, this is the one that gets me lol I spend a couple thousands on a dress and only get to wear it at a 1 hour service hmmm, you get my drift? Plus the dresses that are on offer are all size 14. That wouldn’t be a problem IF I WAS A SIZE 14! but since I lean towards a Size 16 it’s kinda hard hehe And It is disrespectful to say NO. Which means, I have to work my ass off to lose a dress size. The other thing was the swapping of the dresses after the wedding. I managed to beg my fiance if we can leave this tradition out, as my dress was picked by my Mum she dreamt of this dress even before I got engaged so to give it away is sad. Lucky for me he agreed!

Samoan Siva for the Bride and one for the Groom

This is the one that keeps me awake at night lol I can’t Siva Samoa, and I’ve tried soooo many times to learn. Let’s just say my hands are not as flexible as the rest of me (auola! lol) Trust me, I can’t even do it when my dad is threatening me. Yeah, True Story! We had practices for the family reunion and we had different Siva’s to do. I was the only Vale in all the cousins (25 of us) who couldn’t Siva Samoa. They hid me at the back of the Group but still I couldn’t hide from my dads angus-as facials. Even when we had our Village Fiafia Night, and each family had to nominate a Taupou (usually the eldest daughter) it was a no-brainer. My sister did it, and did it well too! I just stood there behind her like an idiot swaying side to side with my hands in duck-like shapes quackin’ it to one side, than the other and so on But, if you ask me to Raro dance… oi sole… you best back up and give me some space because I’m the Mantis at that!. But… I regret to say, I cannot get out of this Tradition *weeps aloud*

The battle of the Items… Bride’s side vs Groom’s side

Ok, this isn’t really a Tradition, but Mum says this is what happens in most weddings. The Bride & Groom’s families try to out do eachother. I thought it was a joke, until I hosted my “Bridal Party” Party at my house with all the Bridesmaids incl my fiance’s 2 girl cousin’s in my Line. I suggested that we have a “Bridal Party” Item instead of Individual Family Items, and the reply from my Fiance’s cousin was “Nah, we’ll just do family dances…you nervous? Just Bring It!” To avoid getting in trouble, I will keep my next thoughts to myself lol I replied “Sweet… some competition aye? hehe don’t worry, We’ll Bring It, Just be Ready”  Now… straight after I said this, I’m sure I went to the bathroom to Cry lol as I damn well knew there are no Dancers or Singers in both sides of my family apart from me and my little sister. And if that reason wasn’t enough to Cry, Hubby’s family are Professional Poly Dancer’s. His generation is the 3rd of Professional Poly Dancers. I asked him this morning “Um, is there any type of dancing that your family DOESN’T specialize in?” he replied “Of course there is… HipHop/Krump” Well, thats great… we’ll just do that then…. Um yeah..Like WHATEVA? My sister suggested the “Thriller” dance… um, yeah ok that sounds appropriate for a wedding.

Lifting the Bride Up at the Reception

Ok, this is the other one that keeps me awake at night lol My dad bluntly told me “Hey, you better lose some weight eh, vaai sesi ke’i ua si’i aku i luga ae le mafai… ” I started laughing and said “gosh dad you’re so funny hehehe” he said “I’m not joking…” Okayyyyy sorrrrryyyy, so now I’m getting paranoid about the guys lifting me up. Im not thaaaattt heavy. But Im just thinking what if the guys try to lift me up and I don’t budge? *laughs nervously* OMG I will so faint…. or pretend to faint!

There are plenty more… but the more I write the more nervous I get and my hands start shaking lol Why do weddings have to be so damn hard and difficult? Why do we have to stick to some traditions? Why can’t people just bring their own food to the reception? hehehe Just kidding…

Hopefully y’all have a smoother run with your future wedding plans. And for those who have already gone down this path, hope you didn’t have to face these traditions!